Sunday, March 30, 2014

Word of the Week: Collar

col·lar  (kŏl′ər)
1. The part of a garment that encircles the neck.
2. A necklace.
a. A restraining or identifying band of leather, metal, or plastic put around the neck of an animal.
b. The cushioned part of a harness that presses against the shoulders of a draft animal.
4. Biology An encircling structure or bandlike marking, as around the neck of an animal, suggestive of a collar.
5. Any of various ringlike devices used to limit, guide, or secure a machine part.
6. Slang An arrest, as of a criminal.
tr.v. col·laredcol·lar·ingcol·lars
1. To furnish with a collar.
2. Slang
a. To seize or detain.
b. To arrest (a criminal, for example).

[Middle English coler, from Old French colier, from Latin collāre, from collumneck; see kwel-1 in Indo-European roots.]

col′lared adj.
The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Updated in 2009. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.

collar (ˈkɒlə)
1. (Clothing & Fashion) the part of a garment around the neck and shoulders, often detachable or folded over
2. (Clothing & Fashion) any band, necklace, garland, etc, encircling the neck: a collar of flowers.
3. a band or chain of leather, rope, or metal placed around an animal's neck to restrain, harness, or identify it
4. (Biology) biology a marking or structure resembling a collar, such as that found around the necks of some birds or at the junction of a stem and a root
5. (Mechanical Engineering) a section of a shaft or rod having a locally increased diameter to provide a bearing seat or a locating ring
6. (Cookery) a cut of meat, esp bacon, taken from around the neck of an animal
7. hot under the collar aroused with anger, annoyance, etc
vb (tr)
8. to put a collar on; furnish with a collar
9. to seize by the collar
10. to seize; arrest; detain
[C13: from Latin collāre neckband, neck chain, collar, from collum neck]
Collins English Dictionary – Complete and Unabridged © HarperCollins Publishers 1991, 1994, 1998, 2000, 2003

col•lar (ˈkɒl ər) 

1. the part of a shirt, coat, dress, blouse, etc., that encompasses the neckline of the garment and is sewn permanently to it, often so as to fold or roll over.
2. a similar but separate, detachable article of clothing worn around the neck or at the neckline of a garment. Compare clerical collar.
3. anything worn or placed around the neck.
4. a leather or metal band or a chain, fastened around the neck of an animal, used esp. as a means of restraint or identification.
5. the part of the harness that fits across the withers and over the shoulders of a draft animal.
6. Zool. any of various collarlike markings or structures around the neck; torque.
a. a raised area of metal for reinforcing a weld.
b. a raised rim at the end of a roll in a rolling mill to check lateral expansion of the metal being rolled.
8. a short ring formed on or fastened over a rod or shaft as a locating or holding part.
9. the upper rim of a borehole, shot hole, or mine shaft.
10. an arrest; capture.
11. to put a collar on; furnish with a collar.
12. to seize by the collar or neck.
13. to detain in conversation.
14. to place under arrest.
[1250–1300; Middle English coler < Anglo-French; Old French colier < Latin collāre neckband, collar]
col′lar•less, adj.
Random House Kernerman Webster's College Dictionary, © 2010 K Dictionaries Ltd. Copyright 2005, 1997, 1991 by Random House, Inc. All rights reserved.

I have always been a kinky kid, and I have been reading books like Justine, and Venus in Furs since I was in high school (thank you, public library). I didn't always know what my role and interest was in BDSM in my 20s,  but being open to experiences and being a sexually open and experimental person allowed me to know what I like and what I don't like, what feels right and what I would never do again.  

I had posted an ad looking for a friends with benefits situation with a kinky person--and I received a response from a woman who had a boy she thought would be perfect for me. I responded and she explained that she was a married poly Mistress to a sub who needed to an open minded partner and since he could only date those approved by Her, the fact she was reaching out meant that she thought me worthy enough for her sub.  This woman, I will call her E--was married in a poly relationship--to C, who had his own girlfriend A.  E's sub was J, who was to be my first official introduction into BDSM.

J was a yoga instructor a couple years younger than I, really healthy and sex positive.  He was also a Certified Massage Therapist--he was very honest, open-hearted and sweet. J was interested in nurturing his Dom/Top skills, and I was just interested in learning BDSM--also I was sure that my skills in BDSM were not better than his skills and knowledge, so the dynamics made sense.  I was willing to submit to him because I didn't know what the fuck I was doing.  I wasn't born with some of my wonderful skills that I have in my possession and excel at now.

This poly leather family I had been invited into--took me out to dinner and got to know me, learned who I was and what my interests were--and really knew the strength that you can get from BDSM.  They knew that this made them stronger and more connected as individual in their different relationships.  I gladly decided to see J, and allow him top me.  It was fucking scary.

My first real power exchange experience was allowing J to collar me while we played.  He would have me kneel, make me kiss the collar, and explain to me that while I wore this he was responsible for me.  He was in control and would respect my limits, but that I would need to communicate.  I played along--it was fun, and super hot.  I never felt comfortable being submissive though, I struggled with it, and eventually we went our separate ways.  But it has stuck with me the loving way being collared meant for him--it didn't mean anything negative for me--he'd really take care me of me and we'd play, hangout, mess around, I'd get free massages, I'd just have to follow his rules and his commands.  He never asked for anything outrageous and insane and always respected my boundaries even when I was being a brat.

Wearing that collar also made me super hyper aware of what it symbolizes even as an accessory.  I went to this amazing fetish party last night, Wonderland--super colorful, and sexy young people, dancing and fucking, hurting and pleasing each other--it was a great time. I saw many people wearing collars, naturally--its a fetish party~!  How many of those people were actually owned?  I hesitated flirting with a couple cute boys because they were wearing collars!  I don't know if some of them are truly owned, or if they want to symbolize their desires that way, or if they are just being fashionable!

FUCK! This day in age--what does the collar mean to you?

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