Monday, February 02, 2015

The Short List: Abandonment & Kidnapping

The short list is an ongoing list of kinky things I haven't done or tried but would love to try sometime--I have gotten my fill of things that I enjoy, and have recently found a morbid pleasure in doing things that challenge me or are personal fears.  It is a very intimate and personal type of session but since I haven't written in a while, I have a lot of pent up creativity backing up.  I often get asked what kind of things I enjoy--and I enjoy A LOT, but there is a list of things that I have never tried, so I don't know if I enjoy it or not, but I am curious and self aware to know that it is those kind of experiences that show you what you are made of and you learn more about yourself.  Whether its dark and taboo or humiliating and demeaning, there is a part of us that craves that antithesis of who we define ourselves as.
I have on several occasions done some of the more edge/extreme sessions such as breath play, cutting, extreme enemas, sounds--although it has it been a while, but I have yet to try an abandonment scene.  It is not often that I am curious about trying something, but this one is a personal fear--so the thought of leaving someone unsupervised is also a safety hazard.  I acknowledge the danger of this kind of session, but because I am afraid of this happening to me, I think I would be more conscientious about the dangers of this more than someone who doesn't take it as seriously. 
I would really like to tie someone up for an indeterminate amount of time, come and go as I please--they will be blindfolded, tied up spread eagle, for as long as I want.  I will leave and not give you any clue as to when I will be back, but you do know that if you piss or shit yourself--I will hurt you and punish you--in the worst ways--they ways that push your limits.  I could only imagine the suspense that would build up inside not knowing what was happening, where you were, when you would be getting out of here.  What if you were never let go?  What if you were kidnapped, mentally broken down, abandoned and forgotten by the rest of the world, and then sold off into slavery?  What if!?--You don't know what my intentions are, when I will let you go?  What if I never come back?  You might starve, or even worse be willing to chew off your own tongue to survive?
When I finally do show up, you are relieved, but also scared because you do not know what to anticipate.  I might be very nice and sensual--tease you, while you lay there helpless...or I might be feeling cruel and sadistic--where I take your body and turn it into a slab of meat for me to poke and prod however I like for however long I want to shred you into nothingness...
And the real twist is that you don't know when I might end, or under what conditions--its the not knowing and being out of control that is scary but also a turn on to completely let go of any power.  Or maybe I've been watching too much Game of Thrones--like where Theon Greyjoy is reduced to reek by Ramsay Bolton.
It is funny I just realized that the current plot line on Scandal, is one where Olivia Pope, the protagonist super femme gladiator was kidnapped, and kept completely in the dark about why she was abducted.  Her captors keep her fed, in clean conditions, but she just doesn't have ANY possible way of knowing anything about her situation aside from what is slowly being revealed to her through her hallucinations, dreams, and being Olivia Pope.  She is the kind of character that is powerful and strong willed--and will do anything in her power to keep her identity and sanity intact in order to save the day.  She reminds me a bit of myself in certain alpha characteristics, so I guess that I must have subconsciously identified with her, and then inversely found the kidnapping/abandonment scenario captivating.  
I always find it interesting when I find root causes of fetishes, or curiosities; it allows me to analyze and inspect myself and my motives and further remain in control of myself--what can I say I am pathologically Dominant...

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