Happy New Years!

 The other day a new client/friend asked me what my fantasy is?


Honestly, I currently only dream and fantasize about actualizing myself as an author and outside of BDSM as a career.  

I love being a Professional Dominatrix, but because it is a profession and a job, it doesn't really translate well to my personal life.  I wish I could say that I fantasize about something kink related or in the realm of BDSM but it's been years since anyone tickled that fancy personally.  It that doesn't meant that I am not open to making YOUR fantasy happen.  That is kind of the job...to an extent within the parameters of my boundaries.

You have to tell me your fantasy and I will try to make it happen.  I find that as long as the boundaries and the dynamics between two people are right are what makes a scene happen and work well.  My fantasy or what I ideally want feels irrelevant unless your submissive desire is to clean my house while I write, and clean up after me when I paint. All the while I ignore you, and you tribute me for the privilege of allowing you to do that...then sure you can come fulfill my fantasy.

Unless you are someone like Lana Wachowski who met his wife, the Dominatrix formerly known as Ilsa Strix, when he started sessioning with her.  That kind of connection is amazing--to love and accept someone and provide the space and love for them to be able to express themselves.  Lana Wachowski is exceptional though, she is one of the Mothers of the Matrix! 

That is what I mean when I say that I fantasize about actualization--I am an author, and I have always been a writer.  I do it all the time here, on this blog with you--but I know that I can make something at that level.  That is not only a fantasy but the dream of my life's purpose. If there is someone like her that amazing, creative and unique with whom I can be a Mistress while they foot the bill and spoil me rotten, love me and adore the shit out me the way she loves her wife. Then YES sign me up, and those offers when they have been on the table I have grabbed them with both hands enthusiastically.  Unfortunately the other person was either emotionally unavailable, just didn't want to be with me as a person, or their idea of love was based on neediness and co-dependent bonds and to be honest I have not been emotionally available for over a decade.

I am just starting to feel my way enough to write about loving myself enough to leave a relationship that shaped me. I am not about to jump into anything without a golden parachute...that is my fantasy: a sugar sub/slave who is supportive so we have the freedom to create but also enough of a creative badass in their own right. 

Goddess Caprice Fellini

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